Fan Interpretation Of Action
by alexywill22
Summary: Action was so so meta. But I think the writers were being tooo subtle. so I broke it down into simple terms. R & R.


Note: I just want to make it clear, since my last fic like most of mine seemed to give the wrong idea, I don't hate the show. If I did I would stop watching, but I loathe most of its plots regarding Lana and Clark. And frankly, with an episode like action they were just asking for this for it. Either way, these are just my rambles, not meant to offend, just meant to vent.

Teaser:

Kent Farm. Where, improbably, a big budget Hollywood movie is being filmed. Clark and Chloe comment on it.

Chloe: A Warrior Angel movie! A story about a boy from a Small-town that became a hero to save the world! A perfect parallel to this show, don't you think?

Clark: Uh. Yuh huh.

Chloe: And now here comes the mega star that plays Warrior Angel's girlfriend!

Some Pretty Actress shows up into scene.

Some Pretty Actress: I'm going to go have a scene with a car that will go horribly wrong so make sure that any person here whose life is a parallel of the movie rescues me!

She gets in an accident. Clark Super Zips to rescue her.

Some Pretty Actress: My hero!

Writers: Wink wink, nudge nudge, viewers!

Viewers: (Not amused.)

Act I:

Kent Farm. Lana and Clark make us nauseas.

Clark: I love you!

Lana: No, I love you!

The Production Assistant That Represents Us Internet People comes to pick up Clark.

TPATRU: Some Pretty Actress wants to see you. I'm quirky and nerdy and probably not socially educated.

Writers: (Shit Eating Grins.)

Talon. Where all the Hollywood movies get film. Right. Clark and Some Pretty Actress flirt.

Some Pretty Actress: I'll blow you for five bucks. I mean, I did get a job in some crappy film located in Kansas for fucks sake.

Clark: Hmmm. Blow Jobs remind of Lex.

Chloe walks in using her Moving The Plot Forward Power.

Chloe: The police think someone tried to kill Some Pretty Actress.

Serious music.

Daily Planet. The writers once again change a character's motivations and actions.

Lois: You want me to drop a juicy story of conspiracy in Luthorcorp when you hired me for chasing UFO's?

Gabriel: Yup.

Misery-ish Barn. Papa Luthor is in some serious shit, yo.

Papa Luthor: The… fuck am I?

Crazy Lady: I rescue you and chained you to a bear trap. Excuse me while I water my pot.

YAY. Pot farm. Crazy Lady calls the brains behind this operation.

Crazy Lady: Dude's up.

Brains: Kay.

Act II:

Kent Farm. Clark and Some Pretty Actress flirt some more. Lana finds them.

Some Pretty Actress: Nothing's going on here!

Clark: No, sir!

Lana: Riiiiiight.

Pretty Actress leaves. Lana shows Clark what Chloe found out.

Lana: Basically fans of Smallville-Er, I mean, Warrior Angel, are mad that the show-Erm, I mean, movie, isn't following the comic book and letting you and I pursue a relationship… that is, letting Warrior Angel's girlfriend live instead of dying like I should. Um, she should. So, one of these low lives, who live with their parents and are socially outcast, wants to hurt Some Pretty Actress.

Writers: (Thumbs Up.)

Fans: (Gapped Mouths. Twitchy eyes. RAGE.)

Clark: Well, I will stop them!

Luthor Mansion. Lex and Clark reminisce over good times past.

Lex: I haven't read comics since we broke up.

Clark: I know. But, baby, this might be your last season. Can you do me a favor? (Pouty lips.)

Lex: Anything.

They figure out Some Pretty Actress will die on a scene where she gets shot.

Movie Set. TPATRU puts a real bullet in the gun. He hands it to the actor and the filming starts. But Clark super zips and saves the day. But TPATRU saw it all.

TPATRU: OH MY GOSH! The answer's simple! I must kill Lana!

Fans: Sounds good. God Speed.

ACT III:

Luthorcorp. Lois sneaks in but is caught by Lex.

Lois: Oh, snap. And here I thought I was being super sneaky.

Lex: Now give me the evidence I need to find my dad.

Lois: Fine.

She gives him the deed of the land by the dam.

Misery-ish Pot Farm. Papa Luthor hits the Crazy Lady and runs for it

Kent Farm. Clark walks in on Some Pretty Actress getting a massage but he doesn't allow her the happy ending.

Clark: We need to go, before he tries to kill you.

Some Pretty Actress: Kay. But the killer let you a comic.

Clark reads… er, gets Shelby to read it for him. The killer knows his secret!

Woods. Papa Luthor runs into the woods only to be shoveled in the face by… Lana.

Lana: What a mysterious twists, eh?

Clark calls Lana. She lies and lies some more.

ACT IV:

Daily Planet. Chloe and Clark decide to wrap this ep up.

Chloe: I got the address. Cause I am the sidekick. Get it? It's Meta!

Writers: (Pat themselves on the back.)

Fans: (Cock guns.)

TPATRU's home. Clark talks to him from his computer.

TPATRU: I'm going to kill Lana so you finally become superman and stop being a lazy ass waste of character!

Clark: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Pot Farm again. Lex comes to the rescue. Only Crazy Lady goes to shoot him. Then Papa Luthor escapes and beats the living crap out of Crazy lady.

Lex: Dude.

Some…where. Lana and Some Pretty Actress gag us.

Some Pretty Actress: You two are meant to be!

Lana: I know! Clana 4-EVAH!

Dumb 12-15 year old Smallville fanbase: YEAH!

TPATRU walks in and tazers them.

TPATRU: Hahah! I'm an obvious representation of the show bashers!

Fans: Yeah, we get it, writers.

Writers: But we're being so subtle!

Daily Planet. Chloe agrees with us.

Clark: WHAT?

Chloe: Well, come on, living in a farm forever is just boring.

Clark: I'm going to go rescue Lana now. Thanks.

A building's edge. TPATRU is about to throw Lana over it. YAY.

Lana: But doesn't my life matter?

Everyone: No!

He throws her. But we all know that you can't kill Lana. It hasn't happen in 6 years, is not going to happen ever. Clark saves her and wrecks some dude's car.

Car owner: The fuck!

Daily Planet. Lois and Gabriel flirt. I'm not expanding on this till it's more relevant than that.

Kent Barn. Papa Luthor confronts Lana.

Papa Luthor: Bitch.

Lana: Whore.

Papa Luthor: you're evil now. Clark will sooo dump you like he dumped Lex!

Lana: Nuh uh!

Papa Luthor: You're holding him back, dude! That's the moral of this story!

Belle Reeve. Lex visits TPATRU. Gives him some comics in exchange for info. Whatever. He didn't kill Lana.

Kent Farm. Some Pretty Actress says goodbye.

Some Pretty Actress: Here's a cape. Cause you're a hero. Hold on to him Lana. He's one of a kind. Special. A Superman even.

Writers: We're so clever!

She leaves Clark and Lana smooch, but even she aggress with us.

Lana: Are you sure you don't wanna go save the world and stuff instead of being here with me?

Clark: Nah. What could be more fun than a farm with you?

So, he symbolically leaves his cape hanging and goes inside his boring house with his boring wife like girlfriend and we wait another boring week for more boring adventures at least till Kara comes back and we refocus on the fucking crystal.


End file.
